The Quiet struggle
(2-4 minute read)
Often times, as a man, we may have grown up believing that it was weak to show any signs of vulnerability. Instead of allowing and making space for our fears, sadness or tears, we bottled them up, suppressed them and maybe turned them into something that was seen as more acceptable. Perhaps we became angry instead of sad, or perhaps we became strong instead of fearful and instead of crying we channelled that emotion into something to distract us.
Quietly though, as we go about our business, acting how we feel society told us that we should, an internal struggle builds inside of us. A rage that we don’t quite understand, a heaviness that doesn’t shift or a pressure that seems to be ever expanding; dominating our days, nights and impeding on our weekends. We may find different coping mechanisms, we may excel at sport, we may find comfort in different communities, groups and friendships or we may turn to substances, consumption or pornography.
Beneath all that though, the feeling remains. That quiet struggle you may experience, away from the distractions, the coping mechanisms and the focus of a busy day at work. Whatever you do, that feeling doesn’t seem to shift and you can’t quite seem to work it out, despite listening to all the podcasts and starting and stopping multiple different self help books. Maybe you’ve even tried talking to your mates, but they don’t really seem to understand it. Perhaps underneath all this, there’s some sense of anxiety, depression or grief that may feel hard to name?
That right there, is the quiet struggle. Doing what you thought was right, yet not feeling good for it. Trying your best to make some changes, but still feeling underwhelmed. Reaching out to your pals, but still feeling like a burden. Getting frustrated by the cycles of distraction, consumption and habits that don’t seem to want to stick. Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, without a space to put that weight down for a while…
What if I was to tell you, that one of the most valuable things in life, is to be seen by another person?
By that, I mean genuinely seen.
To be seen for who we truly are, beneath the mask, beneath the surface and behind the bravado that we put on because that’s what we feel is expected of us. It’s not easy, it takes time and it does take reflection, but to be seen authentically by another human being is incredibly powerful. My belief — as a therapist who also partakes in his own therapy — is that for many of us vulnerability is scary; so there needs to be a safe and consistent presence alongside you to help to create the right conditions for this level of exploration.
When you feel safe and accepted to be seen as who you really are, then things may begin to change. From here, you can explore the patterns that have shaped you, the beliefs that may still be informing your decisions and the values that you’re holding onto that perhaps aren’t really yours, at all.
The quiet struggle. You don’t have to bear it alone.
If you want to reach out and explore what it may be like to work together & to find a space to unpack what’s going on, please do get in touch.
Take care,
Tyler
*Please note - AI was not used in writing this blog post, all blog posts are written entirely by the author.